Please excuse my language. Recently some total fecking eejit told me that my babies weren’t ‘real babies’ if they were taken out. I was told that I hadn’t given birth to my children. They then went on to further show their ignorance by asking extremely stupid questions about the method by which my babies were brought into the world by.
For those who do not know (you can read my birth experience here) my girls were born by c-section. It is shocking to find that there is still such a stigma attached to this method of birth. It’s shocking considering that nearly 30% of babies in 2015-16 were born this way. That’s nearly a third of babies in the UK! Just under half of these were unplanned caesareans. Due to some unforeseen complication these babies were ‘taken out’ because it was the safest method for both baby and mother. The rest were like me. Planned or elective caesareans. These women were mostly advised by medical professionals that it was the best way for them to have their babies brought into the world. For anyone who has given birth in any way shape or form, well done! Each method has its own pains and its own drawbacks. Each method is flipping hard.
When I found out I was having twins, everything was such a blur with the changes that would be made to my pregnancy. I would have more risks of contracting pregnancy related illnesses, I would have higher risks of losing one or both babies, I would have to have my babies earlier than I thought. When I found out that my children would be born at 37 weeks I had the obvious worries. Would they be ok? Would they be developed enough? Would they be too small? Would they have to go into NICU? (Thankfully they were fine and healthy and came straight home with us) But I was also slightly saddened and disappointed that I would not be able to have the full experience of being pregnant. I wouldn’t go to full term. I most probably wouldn’t go into natural labour and have that cliche moment of rushing to the hospital. I wouldn’t naturally give birth to a tiny, healthy baby and be done with it. I was told very early on that I would probably be having a c-section delivery. Then the odds stacked against me. I was born with a congenital heart disease that was made worse by my overload of a pregnancy. I contracted pre-eclampsia. On the last of my scans, my smallest twin had static growth. These babies had to come out. And they had to come out now!
On my 30th birthday I ‘gave birth’ to two beautiful, healthy (albeit tiny) girls. I had a hideous time in recovery and lost a lot of blood during the surgery. But luckily the girls and I made it home within a few days. Then the real recovery started. For anyone who thinks that a c-section is the easy option, try sneezing after major abdominal surgery. It’s not too posh to push. It’s a flipping nightmare! I couldn’t stand, bathe or pick my babies up on my own for weeks. Having to ask someone to hand you your crying child is awful. After spending the last few months being massive, the last thing I wanted was to be immobile again.
My children are happy and healthy and very, very loved. I’m not sure why the method that they were born has an affect on that. No, it’s not the conventional way. No, it’s not the way that has been done for millions of years. But it was the safest, best route for us to take and I’m not sure how that’s anyone else’s business. The man that made the comments just didn’t have a clue! Was so ignorant of so many facts. And yet he was a father. I wonder if he would have had the same views if his child had had to be born that way. Would he have said his own child wasn’t a ‘real’ baby? Think before you speak people! You never know when something you’re so outspoken about might happen to you!
If you are a c-section mum, be proud! Don’t let anybody tell you that you did it wrong. Don’t let anybody tell you that you didn’t give birth. You bloody did! You have a beautiful scar to show it. Also, not being funny but having two children has turned my body upside down. It’s nice to know that there is a part of me that isn’t completely wrecked by having children squeezed into (or out of) it! I lost count of how many forms I ticked and signed that said I was aware of all the multitude ways I could die from this method of birth vs natural. So please do not think it is a light-hearted easy decision to make either.
If you are, like him, judging people because of their birthing method then learn some facts. Learn some facts in general. And then try and learn the facts about why they chose that method. You don’t know everyone’s story! Teach yourself and then teach someone else. We are judged enough with breast vs bottle feeding, what nappies we use, when we wean, what milestones our children have reached vs your coffee mum’s children. Stop judging! Pregnancy is bloody hard enough! 🙌🏻
If you would like to read more on c-sections (if you’d like to learn some facts or are considering it yourself) then have a look at these beautiful sites of information –