What I’ve Learnt…One Year On

It’s been almost a year since the girls were born. I’ve faced Caesarean prejudice, jealousy and the hardest six months of my life. I’ve felt feelings I would never expect to feel, good and bad and I’ve learnt even more than my last blog (you can read that one here).

The one thing that I found as soon as the girls were born was that nothing else mattered. I no longer cared what happened in the outside world. I had no interest in who did what to who or who was saying what. The great thing about becoming a mother is that it no longer matters if somebody is gossiping about me or hating on me or even questioning my parenting choices. My babies were happy and healthy and thriving and that’s all that mattered. And whether or not I really cared about people’s drama or opinions, I just didn’t have the time! Unfortunately, having children doesn’t seem to have the same effect on everyone but it’s not until these toxic people are gone that you realise how much happier you are without them in your life. Some people can’t be helped, they thrive on the drama. They need it. I, however, do not! Again, I’m too busy. I’ve also had to shut out acts of jealousy. I don’t want the girls to be surrounded by people that can’t just be happy with their own lives. It’s not a healthy, happy way to live. I am happy now. And I want that to be the thing that the girl’s feed off.

Before the girls came along I used to judge people’s choices and decisions. Mostly without ever even knowing what was behind them or any of the facts. Since having a Caesarean I have faced prejudice about the way I chose for the girls to be born (more about this annoying topic is in another blog right here!). The really annoying, and eye opening, part was that that person did not know any of the facts or reasons behind that choice. Actually no the really annoying part was that I didn’t tell that person to fudge off. But aside from that, even though it was a hurtful and negative experience from me it was really important because it showed me what I was doing to other people. Although I would never voice my judgements or opinions on other people’s choices like that person did, it showed me that I didn’t want to be like them. I wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt that they made the choices for the right reasons. Also I wanted to remember that most people I judged had nothing to do with me. What they did didn’t affect me in any way. Unless it’s wearing white underwear underneath white clothing. That affects us all. Wear nude, people! Just like how I gave birth to my children had nothing to do with that eejit. I really hope to pass my newfound judgment free attitude onto the girls. It really goes hand in hand with the no drama thing!

Having two babies is very hard. It’s challenging and exhausting but it’s also very rewarding. The first six months with the girls is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But one of the things I’ve had to struggle with the most is the resentment towards single baby parents. I know it goes with the no judging thing above but it’s so hard not to think like that on harder days with the twins. When I see two parents with one baby and they’re complaining about that baby, I sometimes really want to smack them in the face. How could having two parents to one baby really be that hard? How could they seriously not cope? But I know that without the experience of having two, I would find one baby hard too. I would be complaining about how hard my one baby is. How tired I was. Because I wouldn’t know any different. Climbing half a mountain would be hard. Until you climb the whole mountain and then you realise that halfway was a piece of cake. Also, again with the judging. I don’t know what’s going on in their household. What physical, emotional or mental setbacks they may have had. What issues they face. Even with knowing this and with knowing how being judged feels I still feel resentment on harder days.

I think (maybe just tell myself this to make me feel better) that it’s human nature to judge or resent or feel jealousy. Unfortunately it’s become the norm. I’m pretty sure that there’s religious people out there who will tell me some commandments that save people from feeling like this! And that would be lovely. But until that day when everyone is lovely to each other I will do whatever I can to protect the girls from it and to try to bring them up with a better attitude. To accept and love without judging or drama or strings attached.

Most of all I want them to learn the most important thing I have since they came along. That the most important thing is what is under our roof. Our family. Who talks to who or who does what outside of our family doesn’t matter. Have your relationships with people regardless of who else they do or do not have relationships with. Other people don’t affect you. Only you do! You are your own happiness.

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